she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
