Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
