I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
