He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
