TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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