I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
