"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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