I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
