Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
