my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
