So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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