I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
