Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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