Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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