dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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