I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
