It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
