how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
