sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
