I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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