Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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