the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
