ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
