I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
