You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
