I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
