dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
