we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
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Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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