I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
