I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
