i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?