some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
