Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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