so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
