I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
