That's intense
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
