whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
