don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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