I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
