Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
