Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
