moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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