I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
my liver is dry heaving
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
