i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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