they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
