Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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His hands were made for my vagina.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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