This is not my ceiling
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
