You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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