I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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