he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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