Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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