Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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