how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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