apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
