I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
