I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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