3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
