Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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