my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
