so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
