Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
