She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
