I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
