I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.