Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
