Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.

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  (301): My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make. http://tfl.nu/4how
  Replies (51) Good night (1031) Bad night (5280)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.

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  (318): When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly. http://tfl.nu/g0dv
  Replies (7) Good night (3239) Bad night (701)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.

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  (608): Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him. http://tfl.nu/b6v7
  Replies (49) Good night (9088) Bad night (1159)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"

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  (319): We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30" http://tfl.nu/oadk
  Replies (9) Good night (6025) Bad night (1116)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.

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  (801): Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon. http://tfl.nu/ouiw
  Replies (14) Good night (1181) Bad night (5606)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.

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  (402): I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew. http://tfl.nu/1b9c
  Replies (30) Good night (8229) Bad night (1178)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.

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  (773): Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight. http://tfl.nu/f50l
  Replies (5) Good night (4404) Bad night (887)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.

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  (250): In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room. http://tfl.nu/ux5e
  Replies (2) Good night (2658) Bad night (916)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.

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  (808): No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager. http://tfl.nu/g78j
  Replies (7) Good night (1768) Bad night (964)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick

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  (484): Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick http://tfl.nu/a0s8
  Replies (6) Good night (864) Bad night (2189)
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  (510): View more from California

  Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.

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  (510): Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her. http://tfl.nu/i4zz
  Replies (9) Good night (2340) Bad night (804)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD

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  (616): EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD http://tfl.nu/j1hu
  Replies (2) Good night (674) Bad night (289)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.

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  (423): I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover. http://tfl.nu/e91a
  Replies (5) Good night (659) Bad night (406)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical

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  (860): He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical http://tfl.nu/bb5y
  Replies (2) Good night (766) Bad night (263)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.

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  (520): She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings. http://tfl.nu/91ue
  Replies (0) Good night (233) Bad night (211)

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