if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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