Sponge bath it is.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.