I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sorry about my life...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.