Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.

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  (516): She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot. http://tfl.nu/dkig
  Replies (3) Good night (837) Bad night (846)
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  (914): View more from New York

  saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend

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  (914): saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend http://tfl.nu/5l48
  Replies (5) Good night (1524) Bad night (583)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.

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  (404): Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn. http://tfl.nu/mlpv
  Replies (124) Good night (6051) Bad night (984)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.

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  (317): I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands. http://tfl.nu/acvp
  Replies (42) Good night (4381) Bad night (1620)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook

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  (205): Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook http://tfl.nu/0mxm
  Replies (24) Good night (3859) Bad night (716)
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  (631): View more from New York

  i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world

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  (631): i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world http://tfl.nu/qaz3
  Replies (30) Good night (6888) Bad night (1256)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?

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  (586): Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule? http://tfl.nu/p75m
  Replies (13) Good night (4587) Bad night (1091)
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  (619): View more from California

  There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.

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  (619): There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back. http://tfl.nu/ap60
  Replies (27) Good night (6919) Bad night (1134)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.

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  (703): I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them. http://tfl.nu/kulz
  Replies (24) Good night (977) Bad night (3738)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.

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  (404): Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs. http://tfl.nu/4a67
  Replies (18) Good night (5950) Bad night (1125)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on

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  (717): I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on http://tfl.nu/s4r4
  Replies (3) Good night (1809) Bad night (746)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads

  (1-787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Croutons?

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  (787): He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads (1-787): Croutons? http://tfl.nu/yr5t
  Replies (3) Good night (1603) Bad night (420)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?

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  (309): I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing? http://tfl.nu/0fxz
  Replies (7) Good night (510) Bad night (967)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.

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  (773): We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life. http://tfl.nu/hprn
  Replies (3) Good night (630) Bad night (234)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me

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  (770): so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me http://tfl.nu/3pww
  Replies (3) Good night (1115) Bad night (292)

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