the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im calling her cock vulture from now on
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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