I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
