I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
