i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
