Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
