My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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